im drinking this country out of the recession.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
