She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
