Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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