it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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