wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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