Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
