My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
