Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize