maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
