I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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