Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
