Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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