we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
