You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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