i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
