I cannot find my penis.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Two words: blizzard sex
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
