OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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