Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
