im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize