Your mouth is God's brothel.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
