White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
