he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
