Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
