I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
