My hand turned me down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
