I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
