Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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