you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
