I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
