wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
