I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
