doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
