It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
