I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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