I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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