i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize