Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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