i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
