it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
