Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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