Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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