so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
