I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
