you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
