So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
