I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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