First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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