i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
