just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
