just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize