I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry about my life...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
