this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize