it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
