and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
