You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
