You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
