you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
