I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
