I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
