well you can't waste a boner
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize