peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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