I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
