i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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