Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
