As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
