idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
