She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
