You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
