our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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