I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
