Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
