I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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