return my video game
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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