i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
