Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
