I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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