Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
