This girl is more easily done than said...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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