I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
