OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
