I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
