Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
