I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize