it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
