if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
