it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
