i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
