Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
