He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
