Sry I called you an 8
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
