GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
