all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
