He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
